Caring for a Family Member

I was half asleep when I answered the phone. The voice simply said, “I need your help. He’s fallen again.” For the past six months, this was all too familiar. The two a.m. calls, the repeated falls, the emergency room visits, and hospital admissions were now the norm.

With each medical emergency, his health got worse. He was weaker, more confused, and dependent on family for his every need. The change in his health seemed to happen so quickly; one day everything was fine, and three weeks later, he required 24-hour care. This was our new reality.

Is this situation familiar or similar to your own? Are you a caregiver of a family member, an adult child caring for an aging parent, or a spouse caring for a spouse or veteran? Do you struggle with a new normal?

Caregiver Challenges

Although caregiving is both a loving and rewarding experience, it can be very challenging. Even as a trained nurse with years of patient care experience, I found my new role as family caregiver extremely demanding. Caring for a family member was different from caring for my hospital patients. I couldn’t just clock out and go home; there were no boundaries in our relationship, and the need for my help was constant.

These demands began to affect my health, both physically and emotionally. I understand what you are going through. I felt exhausted most of the time and was constantly anxious about the uncertainty of my loved one’s state of health.

While I was fortunate to have family support, I still felt isolated and carried enormous guilt: guilt that I felt overwhelmed, guilt if I wasn’t providing his care, and guilt that I was frustrated and sad.

My frustration came from watching my loved one get worse despite my best care efforts. I felt sadness because I was grieving the loss of his health and the future I had planned.

What I now understand is that these feelings are very common. You may experience these or others, but you’re not alone. The question then becomes: how can we (caregivers) better care for ourselves while caring for a loved one?

What are some practical steps to take right now to help yourself with caregiver stress? After I realized I was experiencing caregiver stress and burnout, I took steps to improve my health and decrease my stress, and you can too. First, let’s discuss what caregiver stress and burnout look like.

Caregiver Stress and Burnout

We’ve all experienced stress at some time in our lives. Caregiver stress occurs from the strain of caregiving.

Caregiver stress:

You may experience some or all of these examples:

Frustration with your loved ones due to their around-the-clock needs
Feeling isolated from your family and friends because pf the time commitment of being a caregiver
Tiredness due to not having a break and interrupted sleep because of caregiver responsibilities
Lack of interest
Sadness
Worry
Weight gain
Weight loss
Experiencing headaches, or body aches and pains
Burnout is an extreme expression of stress. It occurs when caregivers experience mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion due to unrelieved and overwhelming stress. Caregivers may negatively view their caregiving responsibilities because of a perceived lack of control.

What You May Experience with Caregiver Burnout:

The symptoms you are experiencing may be like mine, or you may have some that are unique to you. These symptoms are categorized as physical, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral.

Physical Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout:

Physically and/or emotionally exhausted
Changes in sleep: difficulty sleeping or getting too much sleep
Changes in appetite: eating too much or too little
Getting sick more often than usual

Emotions Associated With Caregiver Burnout:

Irritability or anger
Sadness, feeling down or discouraged
Frustrated
Feeling overwhelmed, alone, or isolated

Cognitive Changes Due To Caregiver Burnout:

Trouble concentrating
Memory changes

Behavior Changes From Caregiver Burnout:

Withdrawal from friends/family
Neglecting your own self-care
Loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed
Feelings of wanting to hurt yourself or your loved one (call 988 for the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline to speak with a counselor)

Tips for Caregiver Health and Resiliency

What You Can do to Manage Caregiver Stress

Respite and self-care are practical ways to reduce caregiver burden and manage stress.

Respite is taking time away from caregiving responsibilities to decrease stress and care burden. Caregiver time off may improve a caregiver’s well-being.

Self-care is necessary to promote physical, emotional, and mental health.

Find a support group/caregiving resources within your community or online to support caregiver resilience and manage stress.
Take your medications as prescribed and fill your prescriptions. Taking your medications is an important way to remain healthy.
Continue with your scheduled doctor appointments and check-ups.
Eat healthy, stay as active as possible, and get enough sleep.
Find community services that can assist with care, caregiver education, and financial support.
Seek medical care if burnout symptoms persist.

Caregiver Resources

Community caregiver services may include:

Prepared meal delivery
Home medical care
Non-medical attendants, custodial care: housekeeping, cooking, companionship
Financial or legal advice
Respite care resource list: private care, adult day care, nursing home respite care
Prescription savings using the Visory Health Prescription Savings Care: https://www.visoryhealth.com/rx-savings-card

Caregivers are faced with enormous physical and emotional demands. You’re not alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for and accept help. Take time for yourself and your needs, stay in touch with your friends and family, see your healthcare provider, make healthy food choices, stay as active as possible, and take and fill your prescription medications.

Once we understand caregiver stress or burnout, we can take practical steps to reduce our stress and improve the quality of life for both caregiver and loved one.